Dear Mama Duck, It’s Not You
Breaking up is hard. We have had this inter-species love affair with Mama Duck and her six babies for well over a month. Enough already.
A search on Google told us the babies should be able to fly five to eight weeks after they hatched. They’re almost there. We’ve mentioned this fact to Mama Duck and her six ducklings, but these darling fuzzy butts aren’t interested in leaving. Kids these days, right?
We have the Dear Mama Duck letter in draft form. Would you be willing to help us with it?
Dear Mama Duck, You have been a joy to us and brought us face to face with your unbelievably loyal mothering skills that confound us considering you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing. The “instinct” thing of which we read in books never really sunk in until we were witness to how you care for your babies. You do not eat until they are fed. You protect them from pool cleaners and you follow them when they decide they’re bored and start exploring their milieu. ALL GOOD STUFF. However, it’s not you, it’s us. We need our yard back. We need our swimming pool back. We need our freedom back! We are captive and we are tired of it. So… We must ask you to leave. Please and thank you. ~ Signed Your Gracious Hosts….. P.S. Can we give you a deadline? Say, a week from today?
How does it sound? Too tough? Too nice? Should we have been stronger? Do you think we should have offered an incentive? Any ideas?
We’ve let them know our intentions with the letter. Now, we’re going to start with some deterrents. Plastic owls. Pool toys. Maybe an ultrasonic device will make them want to leave. We’ll try to keep the expenses down, and we don’t want to hurt them!
We hope the Dear John (Dear Mama Duck) letter will work. And they’re not going to be allowed back once they’re gone. How’s that for being strong!?
